May you live in interesting times

These times are defining. It almost seems like a cliché for me at this rate. It’s these times, though that define the type of person you are, or want to be.

To say that the past 2 years have been challenging would be an understatement. Challenging doesn’t even begin to cover. As it turns out, living with an abusive guy, leaving said guy, moving in with my mom and her abusive alcoholic husband, getting kicked out by the alcoholic, crashing at a guy I had just met’s apartment after staying in my car, dating this guy, having this guy shatter my heart takes it out of you. Add to the fact the longest I’ve held a job at this rate is 5 months, my life is anything but stable. In two years, I’ve lived at 6 different places. I had the delightful time learning that even while not packed or ready in any sense, I can move in about an hour, even at midnight. And between a Focus and a Prius, my all my things fit, except my dresser. I still feel like I should toss things, but I think that’s my pessimist side.

This whole breakup debacle is showing me who my friends are, more than anything. I may have lost the guy, but I have friends to help me up. Well, I didn’t really lose him. I’m not sure what is with me and suddenly crazy men. I really don’t understand that one. Not one, but two. Two guys have acted this way to me. The first had warning signs I ignored. Really should have seen that one coming. The  second time took me by surprise. There was a distinct lack of red flags.

The person I owe the absolute most to is the girl who refused to let me be homeless, has put up with all my shit and whining, and keeps telling me the things I need to hear, not what I want to hear. There are honorable mentions to the friend who took me back to her apartment to sober me up after I was bawling on the sidewalk and refusing to get up. (I couldn’t have walked it, nor could she have supported a 5’8″ drunk girl.) And finally, Michelle the bartender, who helped me walk to my car (other friend drove, I bawled in the passenger seat, all curled up).

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive
element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my
daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make
life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument
of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all
situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is
escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. If
we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as
they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of
becoming.”

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 – 1832)

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