I’m a wreck

I’m really just that right now. I wish I wasn’t and I wish that I had the time and space to sort myself out, but I lack those luxuries so this will have to do. I’m pretty rushed for time right now, as I must get to work, but working isn’t so great for me right this second. I work with the public and I’m essentially on display. I also have severe anxiety at the moment. Sometimes I do better and life isn’t difficult, but when life things start changing, that takes a toll.

You see, I’m moving in a few weeks. It shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s just down the road and I’ll be closer to school. I’m going to walk. It all sounds nice and good. I’m growing up, right? And I’m doing what normal people do. I’m moving in with my boyfriend. It sounds even less odd because we already live together. But that was from circumstance. This is by choice. I’ll actually be on the lease and responsible for my portion instead of living like a refugee. Everything, should be just fine.

But…

As nice as everything sounds, I can’t get the last time I shared a domicile equally with someone. To say that it didn’t end well would be an understatement. In reality, I still have daily anxiety associated with it, even after a year and a half. It might be nothing compared to the immediate mental torture, but it’s enough to have me panic and screw things up, as my specialty. I’m really rather fabulous at panicking and screwing up something good.

Maybe one day I’ll have the piece of mind and live on my own. However, that day has no ability to come until probably about 4 years from now. Then these worries can go away.

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