Is it too much to ask for? Isn’t this the time of my life I should be rested, unless I’ve been partying and need to be up for work? I have no pets or kids or anything that should keep me up. Alas, I am a light sleeper and my boyfriend wakes me more than he should. And sometimes he just randomly wakes me up in the middle of the night. No, I’m not particularly nice then. I love sleep. I’ve always cherished it. As much as I love my sleep, sleep does not love me back. I find it nearly impossible to fall asleep; I’m fortunate if I stay asleep. I’m even more lucky if it’s a peaceful night. For the past year or so, I’ve had some dreadful dreams. I hardly remember when I wake, but I’m haunted by the people. If there was a way I could erase some things from my mind, I would, without hesitation. By definition, I have PTSD. The dreams are really what get me. They keep it fresh in my mind and I can’t escape. It’s disrupting my current life. It’s being problematic to what I want to do. I’m too scared of what might happen. And I don’t know how to express it to anyone. My friend who knows all the details or my boyfriend who has to actually deal with me.
And on a semi-related note, I’m still somewhat shocked I have a boyfriend actually. I’m kind of broken and I actually managed to trust a new person, not that the old ones had my trust.
My mind is becoming more and more of mess as I write this. You know I’m going crazy when I do the same things over and over and over again, in an obsessive sort of way. Minesweeper is a favorite and this month listening to the song “Safe and Sound” by Taylor Swift are keeping me occupied. I’m gonna go be crazy now.