I absolutely love my mother

In a sarcastic sort of way. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, but she drives me insane. Literally. I’ve had  a lot of counseling.

Why, oh why has my mother driven me to counseling? I can’t even begin to tell you all these ways. But, stubborn as I am, I’m going to give it a shot.

First off, if you ask her, she has never done a thing wrong in her life. Ever. I’m not kidding. According to her, she is the model of perfection. However, if you ask my brother or me, there’s quite a bit she could learn about life.

My mother has this habit of asking questions and then walking away. It’s not some of the time, but all of the time. Every time she wants to know something, you must follow her, and if you do not, you are in trouble. And no, you may not yell the answer either. Follow, you must.

She also has this thing about only calling people when she’s driving. And usually only when going through a place with mediocre to bad reception. Or right before driving past a place she “always loses it there.” Thanks, Mom.

I’m not completely enthusiastic to meet the new baby! Frankly, babies eat, shit, and sleep, which doesn’t get me all excited. Nor does my only plan in life involve being a mother. There might be something seriously wrong with me according to some, but the mere possession of a uterus does not a mother make.

Seriously, look at mine. There could be vast improvements there. Thankfully, I have found someone who feels the same about kids. They aren’t necessary, use preventative measures, and we don’t want to be our parents. Our dads left us to be raised by our stepdads. My dad balked on being there and financially providing. His dad at least paid the child support and stayed completely away. Our mothers were both young. We don’t want to be our parents. We’re already off to a better start in all reality. We’re older than they are and both hold Bachelor’s degrees. Alas, I digress.

My mom let this bomb through the last time we talked. There is talk of not doing Thanksgiving. My very large, abnormally close family to not do Thanksgiving?! That’s a shocker. We gather all the time. It’s weird, but everyone likes everyone and honestly, I’m the black sheep. (I think for myself, and am not religious, but not openly.) I’m irrational to be upset about this, but has she not forgotten last year? I didn’t get Thanksgiving last year. I didn’t have Christmas either. The Christmas decorations are actually welcomed this year, even if they’ve been displayed for a month already. I might even enjoy Christmas music this year. So I’m all irrational about insisting on Thanksgiving. My mom did say that we could do our own dinner, where I will cook the whole thing except the turkey. Because like all my birthdays, I can do it best, so I’ll be putting in the work. However, just because I can do it best, doesn’t mean on my special day I should. Sometimes it tastes better when it was made special for me. If we do have Thanksgiving at my mom’s, it’ll feel like a massive pity party for me. Someone better be blowing up some pity balloons.

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